Harm OCD

What is Harm OCD?

Harm OCD is when unwanted thoughts about hurting someone keep showing up — and you can’t let them go. Very often it’s the people you love most.

The thoughts feel horrible. They feel like the opposite of who you are. And the harder you try to get rid of them, the louder they get.

How do people with Harm OCD feel?

You’re going about your day. Maybe you’re sitting near someone you love. And a thought drops in: what if I hurt them?

Your stomach drops. There’s a pit, a sick, tight feeling. And then the questions start. Why did I think that? Would I ever do that? What if I lose control?

It doesn’t feel like a random thought. It feels like a warning. So you start watching yourself. You notice sharp objects you never noticed before. You notice where your hands are. You notice how close you’re standing to the people you care about.

And it’s very common to keep all of this a secret — sometimes for years — sure you’re the only one in the world who has thoughts like this. You’re not.

Common harm thoughts

• “What if I hurt someone I love?”
• “What if I stab someone?”
• “What if I push someone down the stairs?”
• “What if I strangle someone?”
• “What if I swerve into oncoming cars?”
• “What if I lose control and do something I can’t take back?”
• “What if I hurt someone who can’t protect themselves?”
• Violent pictures that flash in — of hurting someone, or of someone you love hurt or killed.
• “If I can even think it, maybe I’m capable of doing it.”
• “What if part of me actually wants to?”

Underneath all of them is the same question: what does this say about me? Maybe I’m dangerous. Maybe I’m not who I thought I was.

What do people with Harm OCD do about the thoughts?

A lot of it is invisible. It happens in your head, or it looks like normal life.

You might stay away from sharp objects, or put them somewhere out of sight. You might avoid being alone with people you love, or keep a little distance. You might change the channel when something violent comes on.

In your head, you might check yourself — did I just feel an urge? Did I like that thought? You might replay the day to make sure nothing happened. You might push the thought away, or swap it for a good one: I’d never do that. I’m a good person.

And you might ask for reassurance. Asking someone close to you if they think you’d ever hurt anyone. Searching online. Confessing the thoughts.

What does life start to look like?

Over time, OCD takes up more and more room. Things that used to be easy start to feel risky. You spend hours in your head — checking, reviewing, arguing with yourself. You’re exhausted.

And here’s the cruel part. OCD goes after what you care about most. So the people you love most can become the people you start keeping your distance from. The world gets smaller.

Why do the thoughts keep coming back?

A thought shows up. What if I hurt someone? It feels awful. So you do something to make it go away. You push it out. You check yourself. You ask someone. You avoid.

And it works — for a moment. You feel a little better.

But then the doubt sneaks back in. But how do I know for sure? What if I missed something? What if I really am capable of it?

So you do it again. And again. Every time you try to get rid of the thought, it comes back a little stronger — and you need to do a little more to feel okay. That’s the vicious cycle.